Dear Keyshia:

ok, so keyshia,

honey-boo...i can't, just can't take it anymore. your show is the rawest ish on tv right now. and i simply can't take it anymore. i thought the biggest obstacle was gonna be frankie-your "mom." but clearly, i was mistaken. between the therapy sessions, paternity tests, quests to reunite with miscellaneous siblings, your sister's current pregnancy and the utterly confusing wig game that frankie is rocking...i can't do it. at first i was feeling bad, like REALLY bad for you. then i felt like you were brave for putting your ish out there like that...oh, but now, i feel like this wasn't a good look.

yeah, many fams have similar drama. some may have worse. but to broadcast it on national television is just making the hairs on the back of neck stand at attention-and not in the good way. so let's just talk about the latest episode:

issue # 1, sister neffe calls and schedules to terminate her pregnancy. (this is like her third or fourth pregnancy i think). she's scared cuz she's alone and is struggling to put her life back together. i am not judging her, but this ish is really heavy. i didn't want to know that she's having an abortion. and for future reference, let's stop gettin our swerve on all willy nilly if we are not equipped to handle the possible consequences.

issue # 2, the paternity tests results came back from some dude who claimed to be your father. what tripped me out was how during the episode when he was being tested, frankie was kinda chill. she really looked like she couldn't remember if she got down with dude or not. then when the test came back negative, she was all billy bad-azz screaming on him calling him all kinds of liars. well, honey-boo, obviously, there was the question of his paternity so let's not run off at the mouth after the answer was provided.

next up, this "family reunion"...er, whose idea was this? i mean, family is great and all, but i am a FIRM believer in the fact that just because you may technically be blood-related to me, you do NOT necessarily need to be an instrumental figure in my life if you are lacking, shall we say, some "act-right." so the other miscellaneous cubs that frankie birthed came together along with your adopted family. but the whole shebang was kicked off by frankie acting a monkey-doodle fool on the bus, refusing to put her lovely new teeth in, trying to smoke on the bus, giving people the finger and talking about who could whoop her or not. like for real...i'm tired of her. i feel like perhaps she was a little secret you could have kept to yourself. i'm embarrassed. for you. for women. for mothers. and of course, for her.

then you have sibling # 6 or 7 who thought frankie was cool for trying to be hip and up to date with slang. she terrorized this daughter's kid, chased him around, made him cry, hollered in his face to "shut up" and proclaimed to be the "head b*&^h" around there. where my confusion comes in is how she really seems to struggle with the fact that you have a "family" with sense that raised you and all...yet she detests them like a sickness and actually expects her "children" to respect her as their mother. ok, like for real, this isn't funny anymore.

then you have neffe who starts a whole big deal at the table over who was sitting where. she didn't want sibling # 5 sitting by your adopted family, she wanted all the miscellaneous cubs to be seated together. well, lawd help me, but all this screaming, shouting , table beating, finger wagging and spit-slinging ensued. IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT NO LESS! and after frankie acted monkey-doodle fool # 2, she politely sat down and sipped a big ol' martini. she blames everyone, especially the cole family, for turning you against her. clearly, it couldn't have been the crack addiction, the drinking, the promiscuity, the loud, trash mouth, the continuous public embarrassments, the paternity issues...no dear, it's those evil coles.

i killed about 2,387 brain cells watching this. i'm surprised you even have a voice to sing after actually being attached to this. but i abhor you, please stop. in your own words, "if they don't love you the way they should, then let it go."


i'm really trying to understand why BET is continuing to broadcast shows that are so depressing or degrading. at first, this stuff was funny, but it has surpassed funny and entered INSANITY! i mean, this is your life...and it is what it is, but this show is a train wreck and i am drained from watching it. i see now why you have been showing up to interviews and such all stankified. i think i would be stank too if i had all this on my plate. but my dear, you need to find a way to channel all of this negativity somewhere else...personally, it won't EVER be channeled into my living room again. i wish ya'll well.

oh, and i am dying to know the science behind your sister's names...NEFFETERIA and ELITE. was neffe conceived in a cafeteria? was your mom and her daddy complaining about having "nuffin" to eat in said cafeteria and hey, nuffin's in this cafeteria to eat, nuffin, cafeteria, nuffineria, cafenuffin...let's combine that ish into neffeteria!!! yeah..that's hot! and elite, um, i can't even think about a back story for that one...

bye boo!