ADIOS, crackies!!!!!!!

here at crack rules, inc., there has been a change. we regret to inform you that THE Addict has entered rehab and this blog will become a mere crack-induced hallucination. and now a word from our precious Addict:

I THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME THROUGHOUT MY DAYS HERE ON THE BLOGOSPHERE. I LOVE YOU GUYS AND YOU LOVED ME BACK. PIPES UP! SO I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU VENTURE ONTO MY SUBSTANCE ABUSE COUNSELOR'S PAGE.....THE PRETTY CIRCLE. ROCK ON!

it's been fun!

sincerely,
management

I Loves Me Some Chicken...But This Right Here...

Making the Band 4: Return of the Goony-Goo-Goo's

hey peoples! crack isn't wack! and yes, it's back! so let's just jump right into diddy madness. i must admit that the actual first ep was such a snoozer that it didn't deserve it's own post. but in the event that you don't know what's up...the boy group (who i named the goony goo-goo's), along with wackity kane and donnie the solo star are all back and have to record their albums at the same time in 5 weeks time.

ok, fast forward to the 2nd ep, the recording begins and robert a.k.a. "s-curl" is whining like keith sweat because he feels like his voice isn't shining like he wants it to......meaning, he wants to be the lead singer on ALL of the songs. um, there are 5, count 'em, 1...2...3...4...5 dudes up in this group, so NOTE TO ROBERT: you are not donnie the solo star, therefore you have to share your viddles with the other pups, simmer down!

sidebar:::WHO in the tarnation picked out the dead possum that lays on d. woods head calling itself a wig?

the extreme short side mixed with the extreme long side renders itself quite odd. maybe she should try a wet raccoon or a shaved muskrat...but the possum must GOOOOO!!!

sidebar:::where DA HECK is willie from? i had no idea his accent was so friggin country...and i mean CUNTRY!! that, and the receding hairline is really taking away from his sexy. note to willie, keep your hat perched on the front of your forehead and speak in russian or japanese...your hotness will thrive in bunches, i promise!

also, when is brian gonna get those micro mini ashy braids cut? i am still in shock that robert had to cut his and get the s-curl, yet brian still has those tired braids...with the nerve to have beads hanging from them, just chillin! not cute boo, neither are the 5 cuts in the eyebrows....sooooooooooo 1991! bleh!

wakity kane wasn't talking about much except for the fact that dawn is liking her some qwanell.

qwanell

qwanell

i'm sorry, that name puts me in a stupor. can SOMEONE on this green earth explain the science behind the word qwanell. how you have a "q" without the "u" right behind it? why have the "w" without a "c" or "k" in front? it would be just as weird looking. cwanell. kwanell. actually, i like kwanell. ok, enough about that....onto the funny ish that is d. woods and robert.

see, what had happened was, robert likeded d. woods and wanted to take her to dinner but the girls decided to look up robert's myspace page to see if they could get some dirt on him. lo and behold, there are pics of him and some chick named june, a.k.a. junebug all hugged up. so when s-curl arrives to get d. woods (who by the way was straight chilling in her wig scarf and sweats not trying to go anywhere) he thought the girls were trying to insinuate something sooooooooo, he got a little hot around the s-curl. ensue fight number 1:

s-curl: aw, ya'll funny. i don't even control my myspace page
d. woods: oh ok, whatevs
s: no for real! ya gotta believe me!
d: um, ok dude, whatevs
s: no like for real, you're hot, sexy, fly, i like your style, your swagger and i wouldn't try and play you like that! i love your wig! BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE ME!!
d: um, calm down dude, like for real, not that big a'deal
s: ahhhhhhhhhhhh! i hate my haircut....i really want my braids back! wait, wrong topic
d: you're so wackity!

i kinda feel bad for s-curl, because diddy tore into that *ss too! the other 4 pups called robert out about the whining cuz he isn't the lead singer. what was so sad about it was how s-curl totally punked out, almost to the point of tears. i guess when someone asks you if you have some b*tch-assness" in you, you tend to chill. ROFL! B*TCH-ASSNESS!!!!!!!!!!!! the hilarity! diddy was straight up like " robert, do you have some b*tch-assness in you? cuz i kinda saw some b*tch-assness in you from how you handled your girl" oh help me lawd! what man ever wants to hear that? well, regardless, poor s-curl became the whipping boy and now, he doesn't care about brotherhood, or friendships. i think that when he got his braids cut off, a chunk of his man balls got chopped as well. i weep for you robert, i weep.

other than that, no one else really had much to say in this ep. besides the d. woods/s-curl fight and dawn caressing qwanell's overbite, having dinner with the overbite, snuggling with the overbite, going to church with the overbite and naming the overbite dontavius, and aubrey shaking her ratty, knotted weave, there was no real action. WAIT!! qwanell and dontavius caught the holy ghost!

that and mike has a veeeeeeeeeeery feminine church clap....i must find the clip..........stay tuned! (**UPDATE: THE GOONEY GOO-GOO'S WERE ON THE WENDY WILLIAMS RADIO SHOW TODAY AND SHE ALSO CONFIRMED THAT MIKE HAS SOME VERY FEMININE WAYS ABOUT HISSELF...I FOUND THAT FUNNY...THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE. heck, those hazel *ss contacts really threw him over the edge***)


in the immortal words of willie: "ya'll ain't making surgery!"

Yes We Can

So i been's a little busy.........

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...i've been missing, ya'll. i have soooooooooo fallen off of this blog...but i mean, so much has transpired. i have most certainly been partaking of the crack....just haven't written about it. i have reeeeeeeeeeeally been busy, not just forsaking for the sake of forsaking-hee, hee.the holidays buried me, i've been working on the democratic campaign for ________, and i did a lil' traveling. so, some shows have actually stopped being aired, but hmmmmmmmmmmmm....WHAT'S COMING UP???????

DIDDY'S MAKING THE BAND 4-WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (*doing the butterfly*)

i will most certainly be writing about this, along with the Bad Girls Club, and the new season of Top Model-Season 3,085 once it starts on February 20.

love me long time...cuz i LOVES YOU :-P

******IN THE MEANTIME, MAKE SURE YOU WATCH THE SOUTH CAROLINA DEM. DEBATE TONIGHT...AND GET OUT TO VOTE ON SUPER TUESDAY (IF YOUR STATE IS ON THAT DATE OF FEB. 5) OTHERWISE, VOTE WHENEVER YOUR STATE IS SCHEDULED**********

Dear Keyshia:

ok, so keyshia,

honey-boo...i can't, just can't take it anymore. your show is the rawest ish on tv right now. and i simply can't take it anymore. i thought the biggest obstacle was gonna be frankie-your "mom." but clearly, i was mistaken. between the therapy sessions, paternity tests, quests to reunite with miscellaneous siblings, your sister's current pregnancy and the utterly confusing wig game that frankie is rocking...i can't do it. at first i was feeling bad, like REALLY bad for you. then i felt like you were brave for putting your ish out there like that...oh, but now, i feel like this wasn't a good look.

yeah, many fams have similar drama. some may have worse. but to broadcast it on national television is just making the hairs on the back of neck stand at attention-and not in the good way. so let's just talk about the latest episode:

issue # 1, sister neffe calls and schedules to terminate her pregnancy. (this is like her third or fourth pregnancy i think). she's scared cuz she's alone and is struggling to put her life back together. i am not judging her, but this ish is really heavy. i didn't want to know that she's having an abortion. and for future reference, let's stop gettin our swerve on all willy nilly if we are not equipped to handle the possible consequences.

issue # 2, the paternity tests results came back from some dude who claimed to be your father. what tripped me out was how during the episode when he was being tested, frankie was kinda chill. she really looked like she couldn't remember if she got down with dude or not. then when the test came back negative, she was all billy bad-azz screaming on him calling him all kinds of liars. well, honey-boo, obviously, there was the question of his paternity so let's not run off at the mouth after the answer was provided.

next up, this "family reunion"...er, whose idea was this? i mean, family is great and all, but i am a FIRM believer in the fact that just because you may technically be blood-related to me, you do NOT necessarily need to be an instrumental figure in my life if you are lacking, shall we say, some "act-right." so the other miscellaneous cubs that frankie birthed came together along with your adopted family. but the whole shebang was kicked off by frankie acting a monkey-doodle fool on the bus, refusing to put her lovely new teeth in, trying to smoke on the bus, giving people the finger and talking about who could whoop her or not. like for real...i'm tired of her. i feel like perhaps she was a little secret you could have kept to yourself. i'm embarrassed. for you. for women. for mothers. and of course, for her.

then you have sibling # 6 or 7 who thought frankie was cool for trying to be hip and up to date with slang. she terrorized this daughter's kid, chased him around, made him cry, hollered in his face to "shut up" and proclaimed to be the "head b*&^h" around there. where my confusion comes in is how she really seems to struggle with the fact that you have a "family" with sense that raised you and all...yet she detests them like a sickness and actually expects her "children" to respect her as their mother. ok, like for real, this isn't funny anymore.

then you have neffe who starts a whole big deal at the table over who was sitting where. she didn't want sibling # 5 sitting by your adopted family, she wanted all the miscellaneous cubs to be seated together. well, lawd help me, but all this screaming, shouting , table beating, finger wagging and spit-slinging ensued. IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT NO LESS! and after frankie acted monkey-doodle fool # 2, she politely sat down and sipped a big ol' martini. she blames everyone, especially the cole family, for turning you against her. clearly, it couldn't have been the crack addiction, the drinking, the promiscuity, the loud, trash mouth, the continuous public embarrassments, the paternity issues...no dear, it's those evil coles.

i killed about 2,387 brain cells watching this. i'm surprised you even have a voice to sing after actually being attached to this. but i abhor you, please stop. in your own words, "if they don't love you the way they should, then let it go."


i'm really trying to understand why BET is continuing to broadcast shows that are so depressing or degrading. at first, this stuff was funny, but it has surpassed funny and entered INSANITY! i mean, this is your life...and it is what it is, but this show is a train wreck and i am drained from watching it. i see now why you have been showing up to interviews and such all stankified. i think i would be stank too if i had all this on my plate. but my dear, you need to find a way to channel all of this negativity somewhere else...personally, it won't EVER be channeled into my living room again. i wish ya'll well.

oh, and i am dying to know the science behind your sister's names...NEFFETERIA and ELITE. was neffe conceived in a cafeteria? was your mom and her daddy complaining about having "nuffin" to eat in said cafeteria and hey, nuffin's in this cafeteria to eat, nuffin, cafeteria, nuffineria, cafenuffin...let's combine that ish into neffeteria!!! yeah..that's hot! and elite, um, i can't even think about a back story for that one...

bye boo!

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!!!

ok, so ya'll have prolly been wondering where i've been and what has had me so preoccupied....well, my beautiful baby has turned ONE YEAR OLD!!!! she just had her fabulous party and we celebrated from saturday to tuesday (the actual birthdate). WHEW!!!! momma is exhausted, but it was all worth it for my baby girl. so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, PRINCESS!!!!!












yes, that was her cake!

now back to my regularly scheduled craziness.......

OK, Ya'll Got It Twisted!!!

ok, so i haven't posted in a hot minute, but this right here got a crackie HEATED!!!

Anonymous said...

retarded, fake , whore , fugly c** dripping p**** eating b**** that is who kimora is.....

November 14, 2007 1:42 PM

Anonymous said...

mean, a bitch from hell and tacky, tacky ,tacky
yes she has money but she will always look like a cheap filthy WHORE!!!

anonymous cowards get absolutely NO love and NO respect on this here blog. if you have something to say, you're gonna have to have some type of identity here, and you STILL might get deleted. i will not allow malicious comments to be posted about other commenters OR the subjects of my blog. jokes are one thing, observations and opinion is another. but evil, vulgar and vicious behavior is something totally different. i mean, aren't we adults here?

SO GET A LIFE OR GET SOME NERVES, but most importantly, have some respect. what we do here is all in fun, but vicious statements and attacks will NOT be tolerated. MAMA DON'T PLAY THAT! so take your cowardly lion @zz on somewhere else......

Tagged, I've Been...

FIRST, let me say that i know i have been soooooo lax in my post schedule....BUT my computer is from hell and is a habitual crack smoker as well, so this heifer hasn't been the most dependable thing as of late. also, i have been suuuuuper busy planning my baby's 1st birthday extravaganza. yes, it will be an EXTRAVAGANZA, nuff said


so my lovely cousin ELLE has tagged me and i shall do my part here...

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


THE CRACKTASTIC ANSWERS:

1. i like to bite my toenails


2. i have a wig named "hot ho stroll"

3. i have a gold crown on my third right molar...i used to want a gold cap in the front with a dollar sign in it, but where i used to live, like, er'body had one, so i didn't feel original



4. i like to put chili powder on EVERYTHING!




5. my middle name is (don't laugh!) LaRaybia (reminds you of labia, doesn't it)

6. i LOVE to wear legwarmers in the summer

7. i once stood on a corner wearing a bathing suit and a sign that read "THE END IS NEAR" and threw condoms at cars for 1 hour (trying to get them in the windows that were rolled down)




ok, lemme stop....

THE FOR REAL ANSWERS:

1. i have ocd

2. i laugh at people when they fall, no matter how old, young, hurt they are (i'm terrible, i know)
3. i attract really insecure people


4. i was a closet ciggie smoker in college (complete with three hidden cover-up stashes hidden in my room, my car and my purse to hide the scent, which was hand sanitizer, aerosol spray, listerine, toothbrush and toothpaste-travel size of course, gum, mints, body spray and lip gloss)
5. i can cook really well, but am often to lazy to actually do it

6. i am mesmerized by big boi from outkast's pretty veneers

7. i still want to be a supermodel, even tho i'm fat & old


i'm not taggin anyone cuz i don't really have anyone to tag that hasn't done this already, so if you stumble upon this and want to tag yourself via ME, hey...do your thang!

P.S. my regularly scheduled posts will resume super soon..........

BET is on POINT!!!!

boy, how do i love BET? let me count the ways...they are really trying to make a comeback! i loves me some them. ok, lemme stop.....but i accidentally caught the series premiere of their new show College Hill: Interns. PRAISE THE LAWD AND PASS THE PEAS!!! i'm in love!

basically there is a group of ten college age folks who go to chicago to intern and be guided by dr. ian smith (celebrity fit club & 50-Million Pound Challenge).

so of course, last night was the intro episode where we got to meet this "interesting" group of chill'ens.

so this is marc. he just graduated from college and had a 4 year basketball scholarship. he's interested in all things sports and seems like he'll be the playboy of the group.

enter jenna. aw lawd! i TOTALLY know someone like her. she's cute and smart, graduated from college cum laude. has a boyfriend, yet openly flirts with marc once she sits down with him. but the biggest turnoff about her is her MOUTH! she so L-O-U-D!!! i hate that. the more she spoke, they more she revealed that she's the loud one who wants ALL of the attention, wants all the boys to be in love with her, all the girls to envy her, all people on general to be impressed with her and her "smarts" and she worked my nerve from start to finish!

then comes lonnie. he initially looks like he could play the human version of theodore from alvin and the chipmunks cuz his cheeks are like...

anyhoo, i forgot his stats, but of course, jenna was right at home in her marc and lonnie sandwich, cuz you know they both love her...BLEH!

enter tationna. she's from bx, baby! and instantly i got the vibe that she considered herslef to be kinda princess-ish. you ever met someone who thought they were a fashionista, but their stuff SCREAMED bargain basement? well, there you have it.

help me lawd, and hold my mule! here's spencer. a preacher's kid from north ca'lina. (that's how some of them say it for real!) anyhoo, this brotha walked in wearing a blue suit. well you ask, what's wrong with that? well, it wasn't navy blue, wasn't black-blue...it was ROYAL BLUE, PIMP DADDY BLUE, JHERI CURL PREACHER BLUE, M&M CANDY BLUE!! ARRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!! my eyes bled from the sight. this dude is country, i mean, CUNTRY, CUNTREY! of course, the others took note of the faux pas and were utterly confused by it. but because i lived in the south for a while, i understand that some southerners have a different "style" about them. colors and patterns are their friends. and not regular colors and patterns, but really LOUD and offensive ones. kinda like.....

except he didn't have the hat. vomit stage left<<<<<<<<<

here's kathy. initially, i loved her style and her hair, until i saw her b-boy designs cut into her hair style. that totally ruined it for me. it just doesn't look professional. i mean, it was like, on some kanye west ziggy-zag tip. but her outfit was still banging. oh, and yes, she loves "p**sy." YES FOLKS, she's a lesbian and she wears too much make up so when the camera is close on her face, she looks like a BRATZ doll.

kasheef...what can i say? he's like a drunken michael bivins. he kinda looks like him, and his vioce...OMG! sounds just like him, except he speaks very slow and slurry, like he's drunk.* he's short like him too!

ivy is like the mama of the group. she's very subdued, pretty quiet and like the shrinking violet. i can see that she'll prolly be the hard worker who will end up doing extra for the slackers in the house.

*************************************************

so after everyone introduced themselves, they moved into the house which was quite lovely. they had a team building challange and relay race with everyone divided into two teams. the winning team won gift cards andthe only funny part was that tationna was on the losing team and she kept whining about how she actually broke a "sweat" and didn't even win anything. LOL!

so later on, everyone decided to go out bowling and to the club. let the bootay hunching begin. I SO HATE THAT CRAP! whatever happened to real dancing. women, grinding your bootay into a man's ween-doggy dog does not a dance make! men, trying to drill your member into the back of a young lady's skirt is not hot...UGH! anyhoo, everyone enjoyed themselves and the love fest ensued.

well, all shows start like that. (remember the last college hill? HA!) the drama shall begin shortly and a small tidbit began when all of the dudes decided to go out without the ladies and get their "stunna" on. of course with those cameras on, the hoochies were lined up and these guys were poppin bttles and everything. *enter kasheef! someone was waaaaaaaaay too happy to be on tv and have some free champagne cuz he guzzled down a whole bottle by himself and was drunk out of his mind. the other guys had to literally carry him into the house. that's so sexy! and there he lay, near the procelain throne all night....and everyone has a meeting with dr. ian the next morning.....................

we'll see how things pan out next week. i'm sure B(ootay) E(ntertainment) T(elevision) will re-run it a zillion times, so check it out!

OH! i almost forgot about these two.......

maurice...he's the cutie of the house if you ask me. but he has a lot of tattoos on his arms and i just wish these kids would stop tatting themselves up all over the place. i mean, to the degree that wearing a simple polo shirt will reveal your name, your whole family tree and whatever else you chose to have doodled all up and down your person. think about the career you even desire to have one day. image is everything peoples!

this is letia. she literally bounces out of the car and into the room wearing a tank top and mini jean skirt. she's the one who's currently "in love" and has ginormous watermelon boobs. how inappropriate did she look going into a professional meeting room with excess boobage spilling onto the table? can we say..LOTS!?! hey, but she does wish they were smaller...way to downplay your melons, lay them on your resume when meeting dr. ian while wearing spaghetti straps!

LOVE THIS HOT MESS OF A SHOW!!! WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Computer Wackosity

ok, so i'm like TRYING to post and my internet connection is on some serious BLEH! i'm literally borrowing someone else's computer just to type this, but hopefully i'll be back up and running cuz i have some stuff just a'brewin' in this ignant little mind....it's itching to get out!

YOWZA!

Mario & His Mom

***let me say, that while i refer to addiction in a playful manner, and yes, i crack jokes, this really isn't funny when it's as real as it was on this show. so i'm gonna attempt to be serious for a spell...and even tho this women seriously suffers/suffered from an addiction to heroin, i'm gonna give my honest opinion on what i viewed***

so i am halfway done watching the mario special about his momma and her habit. i'll be back when it's done, but let me say that as of right now...i'm disgusted with what i'm seeing.

ok, so i've returned. let me start by saying i am HEART BROKEN for mario. it is a SHAME that he had to experience such foolishness. yes, i said foolishness. yeah, yeah, yeah...addiction is a disease, but there's something i just can't get with. forget the fact that you are supposed to be grown. forget the fact that you are wasting money. forget the fact that your personal life is prolly a mess. and your health? yeah right. forget that too. but when you HAVE A CHILD/CHILDREN....oh, that's some other stuff.

no, i'm not really an addict, but maybe i'm not because i can not even fathom having an object having control of life. a substance ruining the people i love cuz i'm too selfish to stop. i cannot even wrap my mind around such a thing. ok, so some people get caught up. i'll give her that. but i have to say, if you ever find yourself caught up, how can you not look at that inncoent life that never asked to be here (that you are simultaneously ruining) and find it within yourself to overcome? and what was so freaky to me was, MARIO LOOKS JUST LIKE HER!! my kid looks just like me as well. i can't even imagine looking in that face and still just do me. this guy wrote a song for her and her shameful ways, pleading for his "mother" to stop. he even called the show 'intervention' to try to help her.

now let's revisit that later...but i'm gonna skip over to something i noticed on the show and have observed in real life. i am extremely uneasy about seeing how some single mothers shift a lot of their crap onto their sons in the absence of a spouse. BEFORE YA'LL CHOP MY HEAD OFF....continue reading. i am by no means saying that this is always the case, but it was on this show and i personally have seen it in life. the "mothers"....instead of teaching them, helping them spread their wings, they are sucking their lives out of them. dragging them down with their mess. leaning waaaaaaaaaaay too hard for them to fix this, save that, help this, pay that, do this, etc. I HATE THAT!! as a parent, you have the responsibility to be the rock for your child, not reverse. you are supposed to be the guiding light, the teacher, the EXAMPLE! and even worse, a mother, A MOTHER?!?! how can you carry a child, birth it into the world, and rob them of their joy? rob them of the best possible upbringing? rob them of success (emotional or financial) cuz you want what you want? i'm not a man so i don't know what that could be like to walk out on your fam, but a woman? to choose something else over the miracle that you AND ONLY YOU could even bring to this earth? call me crazy, but i feel like whatever wild, crazy, overly-selfish things i haven't accomplished by now...OH WELL! i have a kid now so IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

but here we have a son, struggling to do his job, all the while with his cracked out mother dragging him down. he was unfocused. he was hurt, he was tired, he was abandoned....AND THIS CHICK HAD THE NERVE TO TRY AND FORCE HER WAY INTO HIS LIFE/CAREER BY TRYING TO BE HIS MANAGER!!!!!!!!! not only did she not know ONE thing about managing a professional singing career, she's A DAILY HEROIN USER!

i was sick to my stomach watching this. but what is even more damaging is the effects that this "leaning" behavior has on the sons. when they do grow up, they may find it hard to cut the trifling mothers from the apron strings. they may always want to linger around, checking on her. they may always feel the need to be "captain save-a-..." because she'll always be in the middle of some ish and with no man to help her shoulder the load, who do you think she'll be looking at first? this is crippling to any other relationship he ever tries to have. children are not built to carry such burdens that "ADULT" people choose to acquire for themselves, wheter it be drugs, or whatever. when such heavy issues are forced upon them at a young and inappropriate age, it stunts their progress because they have to focus on crap instead of being children and growing into their own life. and poor mario....he's not even a "regular joe." he's 21, successful and SHOULD have been living the best times of life just growing into a man, but he's been weighed down by her mess.

anyhoo, they do the intervention and she agrees to go to rehab (again). but before she leaves, she must get high again, regardless of the fact that she uses a $50 supply per day and she had a $100 supply the day before. but it gets better...she asks mario for the $50 to go buy with. HE GIVES IT TO HER. then the cameras follow her. as if that wasn't enough....she comes back and

prepares the stuff right in front of him. HE WATCHED HER GET HIGH AND EXHIBIT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT THERE...and he said it best "to see that, it affects me..."

all i have to say is 1) you NEVER know what someone is dealing with in their personal life, 2) life is too short to be so selfish, 3) GOD bless mario for being so strong and brave to share such a tragic story with us, and 4) i hope that woman realizes how lucky she is to have someone even willing to address the madness with her. otherwise...

...i'm just speechless