**ANTM - NEW SEASON** RETURN OF THE MOGWAIS (& crackheads)

"um, she's like...a crackhead" BOO-HOO-HOO
-ebony, evil knieval

oh sweet saviour...just take me right now! these girls are so chock full o' drama, i don't know who to fake-cry for first! but let me say this, ebony's mama is a woman after my own heart...SMOKE IT UP, GIRL!!!



ok, boring stuff first...33 chicks met up on a cruise ship and had some walking and photo challenges. 33 dwindled to 20 then 20 fizzled to 13. there are THIRTEEN new mogwais to keep our eyeballs glued to the tube and my opinion of them are as follows:

AMBREAL- um, what is an ambreal? just wondering...i feel like that's an object perhaps used for communing with great mother earth or maybe the ghosts of christmas future. "hey, bring me the ambreal incense and wind chimes!" or " do you have a spare ambreal pot? i'm making homemade candles tonight." ANYHOO, she's ok i guess. i'm not overly excited about her. maybe she'll woo me once she starts taking pictures....we'll see!


BIANCA- gotta love her for showing up with a $25 weave with purple bangs. i have a question....who picks out these hideous outfits that the girls are wearing in these pics? already, bianca is looking like a sickly scarecrow in that granmama moo-moo top and skinny jeans that are too skinny for her skinnies. i feel like she might be able to bring some sass later on.....


CHANTAL - her body is ridiculous and she seems like she might be a top contender. altho i think her face photographs kinda old, she has an effortless air about her. hate the 70's disco top and bright white shoes-BOOO!


HEATHER - when i first saw her and her self-professed "computer-hump" i nearly fell off the couch in laughter! she is awkward and lanky and has a HUGE mole on her chin that waved at me....but her photos were so...nice! but you know there had to be a missing piece to her sob story...she suffers from a form of autism called asperger's syndrome which makes her socially awkward and withdrawn.....hmmmmmmmmmmmm. i thought this was america's next top model....not hermit

JANET - i like her...well, i DID like her until she wanted to faux-wax tyra banks' tuna roll from the back. i mean, ok...you're an aesthetician, but did we need a demo wax session complete with spreading of tyra's booty cheeks and sticking your hands in her crack and fake-ripping the wax? that disturbed me...yet intrigued me at the same time. maybe her pixie powers have captivated me...


KIMBERLY - to be honest, i don't remember anything about her. so all i can say is...i hate that nearly cooch-bearing skirt she has on! again, who is styling this shoot? *BARF*


LISA - me LOVE HER long time! ok, too much...but i really like her and i'm casting my vote for her to be the winner right now. she, along with almost everyone else had super drama, came from the foster system, but she didn't seem as pitiful as some of the others. she seems very humble and her skin is gorgeous! (don't let me down, girl!)



MILA - is this season's lisa/jade/melrose but with sugar on top. she's way confident, but not rudely so. but her fake happiness almost made me stab myself in the jugular. nothing special about her to me...


SALEISHA - ok, so she went to tyra's infamous t-zone girls camp at the age of 14 to help build self-esteem and now she thinks she's "the bomb." but tyra's gonna be "harder on her" than everyone else. um, if the camp was supposed to help with self-esteem and confidence so why is tyra gonna go harder on her than anyone else? wouldn't that be the kinda destructive of the confidence she worked so tirelessly to establish? wouldn't that make her want to sob in the confessional more and eat lots of bread like keenyah did and put on 15 pounds while on the show and have to get photoshopped more than everyone and then she'll just succumb to the pressures and do a britney spears and shave all of her hair off and beat the other girls with an umbrella and..............ok, too much



SARAH-don't remember her...thinks she's the plus-size chick...who cares?

VICTORIA- me no likey her oblong-y-ish face. tyra loves it tho so i guess that's all that matters. she looks like she's scared to talk...she'll prolly be the house wuss and maybe she'll have a meltdown and go off on all those skanks later. her look bores me tho, especially that JCpenney top and k-mart jeans. p.s., my granny wants her aerosole sandals back

lastly, we can't leave out ebony. she's so full of herself and she had the most touching story of all. her mama is a crackhead!! AND on top of that, her first boyfriend did her dirty too, and she actually "had feelings for him." GASP! she got on everyone's nerve being overly rude and tasteless with her comments. plus she thinks her walk is perfect. well, i for one think her walk is atrocious...especially with that imaginary stick up her booty. why are her legs always so agape? dang, i forgot about the stick that quickly! anyhoo, she's a hot mess with a barely-there top lip and frizzy hair...but i can't wait to see if she'll deliver when put to the test.

i must say that it is starting to seem like the applicants are piling on the drama and sadness in hopes to jerk tyra's heart strings and let them into the house. i'm sooooooooooooo tired of the down-and-out stories. this one's adopted, that one's homeless, this one's mama is a crackhead, that's one's beeen beaten, that one's a stripper scratching and surviving to get by....i mean, COME ON!!! i don't even know if i believe half of that stuff. and if it's all true, then suck it up!! this show is the chance for you to better yourself, get out of "the life" and become FABULOUS. stop invoking my precious tears for you and your downtrodden, wayward, misguided self. get to walking, stomping, and strutting down that catwalk and put your best face forward. all that extra mess DOES make for interesting tv tho

off-the-wall questions: who was that child who made it to the top 20 named SPONTONAISE? aw lawd! why do people do this? and how do you pronounce it...spon-to-nay-eeese, spon-to-nayz, spon-to-nah-ee-say???? if she had made it to the house, i would have just called her sponny-spon-spon or the spon-meister or maybe spondilocks.

and marvita...why? all that trash talking and rough over-confidence got you nothing but the boot. she was another one who poured on the sadness with her personal story. and when she was rejected, she tried to act like she didn't care or understand why other rejects were crying. girl, please! you know you went and cried into your adidas after the tapes stopped rolling.

all in all, these girls are a hot mess and i can't wait for makeovers! WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR?