Top Chef: Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

who at BRAVO TV is trying to kill me? i need to know! i'll return to that in a sec....

so this was part one of the finale and the remaining chefs were dropped off in the middle of the forest. HA HA HA! they had to whip up something for the quickfire on a friggin hot plate...now THAT'S a challenge. i could barely wrangle a hot plate in my college days, let alone in the middle of the lumpy grass with bugs and stuff flying around.

and "king seafood" brian dropped his fish in the grass. anyhoo, the main challenge in this ep was to prepare some yummy elks for a bunch o' cowboys and girls. sidebar:::who exactly IS padma? she is no chef, does nothing food-related, except EAT and i'm just wondering how she got her job. why does she get to taste all of the tasty goodness? i mean, i could be sitting up there if it's like that....just a random chick doing some random stuff. but if i WAS in padma's place...i think i would have been a little cautious about this challenge. the word "elk" just does something to me. it sounds wretched..."come n' get it....a fresh bowl of elk" EW! might as well say "come n' get your fresh bowl of rust." it sounds that unappetizing to me.

regardless, stale dale started to make something and of course, messed it up so he just started making up something as he went along, by boiling cauliflower and potatoes in milk? DOUBLE BARF!

casey dared to be different and cook the elk's ribs or something....you know, she just bores me to tears but she's really been stepping it up lately. brian cooked the shank and threw everything but the kitchen sink in it. and you know bottomless pit-padma was none-too-thrilled to wait 2.7 minutes for brian to plate and describe ALL his ingredients. hung made some i-don't-know and who cares cuz he rarely displeases the judges.

so, in the end, the judges decided to let 3 folks go onto the finale, so that meant only one person was going home. I JUST KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE DALE!!!!!!!!!!!! but lo and behold, mix master brian and his 99 ingredients got the boot....after clutching my pearls in disbelief, the judges decided to deliver the final blow to the dome and declare DALE the challenge winner! help me lawd! this is not me hating........but for real, dale has sucked major man-pris since he's been there and i surely believe that tre would have been suited to make it this far. dale messes up EVERY episode, some kind of way. but alas, we are only left with hung the magic dragon, casey "i'm every woman" and stale stankin' dale and his super man-pris....UGH!

rehab, here i come.......